These Are Bad Days
by Min Daae
Summary: Written for Yuletide 2008. Felix is always nastier when he's had a bit much wine. And sometimes 'nastier' means 'more dangerous.'


I knew the moment I stepped into Felix's room that something'd gone bad. Seeing Felix sprawled indolently on a chair, a glass of wine in his hand, I just got more nervous.

"So, little brother, what are _you _here to talk about?" There was a note in his voice, dry, acidic, sharp. I winced.

Fuck.

"Take it I'm not your first visitor?"

"No, you are not." He sipped a bit of wine. Felix tipsy was always sharper than Felix sober. And nastier. This looked to be a fun conversation. "First, myself and Gideon had another argument, ending in him leaving. Second, Thaddeus came and tried to talk to me, which also ended in him leaving, if a slight bit more huffily than my erstwhile lover. And thirdly, Tabby wanted to pick a fight, which I allowed, and most likely lost."

"Sounds like I missed a lot," I said, carefully. Fights between Gideon and Felix were always nasty. I wondered what Felix'd said to drive him away. I wasn't really sure I wanted to know. I knew how well Felix could hurt people when he wanted to. "What'd…you and Mehitabel argue about?"

"The usual." Another sip of wine, and then he set the glass down, steepling his hands under his chin and fixing those eerie skew eyes on me. They had different expressions, blue one oddly unhappy and yellow one just downright nasty, dancing. He was looking to pick a fight. I'd showed up at exactly the right time. "She disagrees with me on certain matters."

I sighed and took the bait. There wasn't any getting out of it now. "What matters?"

"You. She thinks I don't treat you well." He laughed, that little artificial trill he pulled out sometimes. "Imagine that."

I flushed. "Dunno where she got that idea."

"Mildmay, little brother, are you being _facetious?_"

I forced a smile, knowing how grotesque it made me look. "Dunno what that means, m'lord." A flicker of annoyance crossed his face and he stood, turning away. When he looked back, his face was again pleasant, under control.

"She seems to disagree with my handling. I think she thinks she could write a book. "_The Care and Keeping of Mildmay_." What would you think of that, hmm?"

"I think that's fucking ridiculous and you shouldn't be drinking at this time of night. You must've noticed Mehitabel and I aren't exactly on speaking terms anymore."

"Yes, mother," Felix drawled, and then laughed, that queer little trill again. "Oh, right. I forgot. We share one. And she's _quite _dead."

"Felix, don't be an asshole."

"Why not? It is, apparently, my full time occupation, according to a variety of sources…wine?"

"No. Do you really have to pick a fight every time I see you?"

"Not every time. Just most of them." He stretched. "And enough people have picked them with me, today. I decided it is my turn. You're not feeling up for it?"

"It's not exactly my idea of entertainment."

"What _is _your idea of entertainment? Tabby?" Another one of those laughs, Kethe. "Oh, yes. You're not on sleeping – pardon me, _speaking _– terms anymore. Why's that?"

I felt my face redden. "You tell me what you and Gideon argued about. Again."

"No, thank you. My sordid affairs are quite widely spread enough without fanning the flames." He smiled. "Tell me, brother, why _did _you two part company so quickly?"

"We argued," I said shortly, "And I'm not going to tell the whole fucking Mirador about how my brother's being a bastard to one of the only people who actually gives a fuck what happens to him. You do that for me."

There was, just for a moment, a flicker of something in Felix's eyes, but then it was gone. "Half-brother. You didn't, by any chance, argue about _me, _did you?"

"Don't flatter yourself." I could feel him getting to me, digging under my skin like a burr. Damn, but he could be irritating.

"Perhaps I ought to take that as a yes."

"You still haven't told me why you and Gideon argued."

"Offering to patch it up?" He lifted an eyebrow. "Or offering something else? Need I remind you, little brother, that would be inc-"

"Shut the fuck up," I said, more harshly than I really meant to. "I'm more worried about Gideon. He's a little sweet for you. Did he finally get fed up with all your sleeping around? Maybe you'd be better suited to-" I stopped, realizing from the expression on Felix's face that I'd made a deadly misstep. He sat down again, hooked one leg over the chair arm, and drained the glass of wine.

"Better suited to who, little brother?" His voice was quiet, pleasant, almost sweet. I winced. Fuck me sideways till I cry.

"I dunno." I made my voice sullen and looked down.

"Better suited to who, little brother? Robert? _Malkar, _perhaps?" Kethe, but his eyes felt like they could burn holes right through me sometimes.

"That's not what I said."

"Then what _are _you saying? Perhaps you should go check to be sure that precious _Gideon_ is all right, instead of wasting your time on your whore of a brother…" His voice was still deadly quiet. I still winced. Fuck, I'd known it'd be bad. Just not this bad.

"I never called you a whore, Felix."

"As good as." A pause, and then another one of those laughs. It sent a shiver down my spine. It sounded too much like…I veered away from that and shook it off. "I know what it is." He smiled that deadly sharp smile at me, charming and sweet and utterly merciless. "You want Gideon for yourself. How clever you were with that masquerade with Mehitabel."

I sputtered. "Felix, dammit, I don't want Gideon."

He tossed his head, still sitting. "Mildmay, little brother, denial is simply ridiculous. I should have noticed. Very well, if you'd like him I don't mind terribly if you'd like to snap him up…"

"I'm not a fucking molly!" I exploded, stiffening. The glass hit the wall a moment later and shattered as Felix stood.

"No?" His voice quivered, but it wasn't tears. Fuck. "Why don't you and Stephen discuss your mutual disgust with one Felix Harrowgate, hmm? You can also bring up your mutual attraction to Mehitabel Parr. I'm sure you'd have a lovely discussion."

"Felix, Kethe's cock – wait, _what?_"

"They're sleeping together. You mean to tell me you hadn't heard?" The smile had a different edge this time, Felix's eyes shining too brightly. "I thought for sure you must know by now. Everyone else does."

"I don't listen to court gossip." I was surprised at how little a twinge that brought me. "Fuck me sideways, Felix, I'm not disgusted with you."

"Oh no? Just with my living habits?"

"You're –" I stopped. He smiled again, the edge of that smile sharp enough to cut bone.

"Run along, brother. Perhaps you can go ask Mehitabel to have you back. It might improve your mood if you _slept around _a bit more."

"Maybe you should drink less. It might improve yours."

"I'm afraid not. I was born a bastard, and a bastard I shall stay…" He flung back his head, smiling down his nose at me. "Kiss me, Mildmay."

I gaped at him. "What?"

"You heard me." The eyes were different again. The blue was profoundly bitter. The yellow danced with wicked amusement. "We've had an argument. So let's _kiss and make up._"

"Does that mean we're done arguing?" I asked, carefully. I'd never seen this mood before, whatever it was. And I was wary of it.

"For today. We can always wait until next time." He grinned, and for a moment his face was a little mad, taking a catlike prowling step nearer me. "Well, little brother?"

I swallowed hard, my mouth dry. "Felix…you're drunk. Don't do this."

"Do what? _Whore _myself?"

I could only stare at him helplessly. No one but me and him here. I swallowed again. "What…did you and Gideon argue about?"

"My living arrangements." Another one of those nasty, nasty smiles. Fuck. So I'd hit a nerve. "He seems to think I _whore myself _a bit. As you do. Shall we prove it, to each other, just how much of a _whore _I can be?"

Fuck me sideways till I cry.

"Kethe, Felix-" I heard the crack in my voice. I was stronger than him. A better fighter. But…

The smile died. Something flickered in his eyes. And a moment later he wheeled away, hair hiding his face, hands white knuckled on the bookshelf. "Get out."

I hesitated. "…Felix?"

"_Get. Out._" I could see his shoulders shaking. I didn't leave. He turned without looking at me, went to the desk. I could see his hands shaking as he poured another glass of wine and downed it in one go. I took a couple steps forward.

"Felix…"

"You haven't left." His voice was a little harsh. "Was one fight not enough for you?"

I shrugged. "I've had worse." He turned around. I couldn't read his eyes.

"You should go. I'm not staying here."

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere." He said it shortly, already turning away, shrugging on a coat. "If Gideon happens to return, don't mention it."

"Felix, where the fuck are you going?" He was pulling on gloves, covering his tattoos. He twitched his hair back and looked at me full on.

"Nowhere." Again, his voice flat. "Don't worry. I won't get myself killed."

He breezed right past me a moment later and out the door before I could respond, striding away down the hallway. Away from the center of the Mirador. I leaned against the doorframe and went inside when the sound of his footsteps faded. I looked at the glass on the floor. At the open bottle of wine. What the fuck had just happened?

I'm an idiot, sure. I'm not always the smartest one around. I knew it wasn't smart to stick around when Felix might come back in a mood any time. It wasn't smart to take the bottles of wine I found and throw them out the window. And it definitely wasn't smart to be worried about a man who seemed on the verge of going mad.

I did it anyway.

Then I went looking for Gideon.


End file.
